Ever say something to yourself constantly, again and again, to trick yourself into believing it?
I keep saying I moved on, but it feels like something is not right. Like a memory trying to emerge itself from subconsciousness, and with this memory comes with old feelings, real feelings. The ones I tried so hard to bury. But if you don't bury them deep enough, they'll find away to resurface. It's like a flammable, colourless gas. You know it's there, and sure you have no matches and there's no open flames around, but all it takes is a spark to show you that it's been there the whole time.
Ever forced yourself to do something, just utterly distract yourself.
For me, the best distraction from an unwanted emotion, is an injection of another. Which reminds me, I need to apologies to David Luu today for throwing a spaz at him today AND Maria. I hope he understands he's my punching bag. I guess deep down, I hope to drive him away forever so I wouldn't keep annoying him, let alone, vent to him. I wouldn't want to put David in between me and ..my problems. Then again if he had a choice, he would've picked my problems.
I hate having to vent. I hate this urge to give in and tell SOMEONE how I feel. Like why do I so desperately need to. I don't want to trouble anyone. I don't want them to think I'm a cry baby. I don't want to sadden them ,because they are obviously happy being in their little utopia. I mean how do you talk to people that arn't in the same place as you, anymore. It feels like people have moved on to the next chapter and I'm still stuck on the page 19023091820958209458245.
Why am I complaining now. I feel like such an attention seeking whore.
I blame maths and Collin. you stupid bitch! Eww