Before bed #5

• Just thinking about the future and the idea of 'getting a job' makes me question its ultimate purpose...my purpose
• The idea with skills and offering... its just another way to serve  this world. If you dedicate your life to serving then what is left...for you? I guess you do technically get something in return but what if you don't want what they offer.
• Take away that purpose..and what is left for you?
• Why do we live? Who do we live for? Is it for Ourselves or the world?
• If not, then the other option is against the world... and that just feels like a road worth travelling

Depression. Believed I had it, Believed I've beaten it. But there's one scenario will always cross my mind. Imagine depression as a dark abyss in the ground. Silent and devoid of all light. Those who lay there are suffering but unable to cry for help. The logical approach would be stand above, reach down with light and guide those back towards the surface, and out of the darkness. But what if you were to travel down there yourself and personally seek out all those that lay there. Wouldn't that help more? Viewing from above does not help everyone, but rather...it keeps you safe...

I saw myself standing. Lost and confused in a dark plateau. I stood and listened to the cries of the suffering echo in my head as my heart bled of sympathy. My legs weakened as I fell to my knees and clenched my chest. But The pain I endure would save nobody, and nobody would save me. My mind and body slowly faded as I crawled deeper and deeper into the abyss. And so I must stand up...turn back and walk. Walk away, walk away... until a wave of warmth scorched my face. I stared...blankly at the light, hoping that some sanctuary lies ahead. But guilt immediately swept across and landed heavily on my mind  ...  Guilt of whom my back chooses to face. But the peaceful silence was short lived. A weak heart murmurs in my chest, and beats as a reminder of who I am. So I marched forward and I kept marching so long as there's blood still running in my veins...

It should've ended there..but why doesn't it feel like it?